Hello All,
Amber Connell gave a wonderful talk in Sacrament Meeting yesterday. Bishop Wilson asked if she would share a written copy with us, so that everyone would have the opportunity to hear the message. Thanks, Amber! ~Jill
Good Morning and Happy Mother’s Day! I am honored to share some thoughts on Mother’s Day with you. In thinking about this holiday, I was curious about how it all started. I’m sure I just assumed it was created by Hallmark or the floral industry to sell their products. But, I did some research and it turns out there were two women in the late 1800s that paved the way for the Mother’s Day holiday that we know today.
The first was Julia Ward Howe. She was a suffragist and lived in Boston in the 1870s. You might recognize her name as the author of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”. During this time, the Civil War had just ended and our country had experienced much carnage and death. Mrs. Howe was an advocate for what she called a “Mothers Day for Peace”: a day where mothers could come together and take a break from the hardship of war, and from losing sons at battle. She wrote a statement entitled the “Mother’s Day Proclamation” in which she pleaded for women to come together to abstain from the tragedies of war and to promote the general interests of peace.
Anna Jarvis came along a few decades later and was an advocate for a day to celebrate mothers. She began to send her mother’s favorite flower – carnations - to her local church and requested that people wear them in honor of their mothers. The idea gained popularity over the years and, in 1914, President Wilson signed it into national observance, declaring the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.
I acknowledge that Mother’s Day may not conjure up warm and fuzzy feelings for everyone. For some, it may be a dreaded holiday that stirs up feelings of sadness, guilt and inadequacy. Some of us have not been able to get married or bear children; some bear the burden of raising kids on our own without the support of a husband. Some of us have lost our mothers or children; some have felt lost and discouraged with the paths our children have chosen to take. We put mothers on a pedestal in the church and it can feel hard to measure up if you are not the typical LDS mom.
Along with that, women have tried to reconcile their roles in society for generations, whether it be in the home or workplace. Women struggle to achieve the perfect “work-life” balance and are constantly figuring out how to “have it all”.
If you pick up any newspaper or magazine, it’s hard to miss the current debate about a woman’s role in the world. With our culture’s compulsive need to categorize things, we’ve got such labels as: Stay-at-home mom, working mom, housewife, single mom, and homemaker. Then there’s a new crop of labels like: hipster homemaker, moms who “lean in” or “lean out”, a retro wife, a radical homemaker, “Femivore”, and of course the
Amber Connell gave a wonderful talk in Sacrament Meeting yesterday. Bishop Wilson asked if she would share a written copy with us, so that everyone would have the opportunity to hear the message. Thanks, Amber! ~Jill
Good Morning and Happy Mother’s Day! I am honored to share some thoughts on Mother’s Day with you. In thinking about this holiday, I was curious about how it all started. I’m sure I just assumed it was created by Hallmark or the floral industry to sell their products. But, I did some research and it turns out there were two women in the late 1800s that paved the way for the Mother’s Day holiday that we know today.
The first was Julia Ward Howe. She was a suffragist and lived in Boston in the 1870s. You might recognize her name as the author of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”. During this time, the Civil War had just ended and our country had experienced much carnage and death. Mrs. Howe was an advocate for what she called a “Mothers Day for Peace”: a day where mothers could come together and take a break from the hardship of war, and from losing sons at battle. She wrote a statement entitled the “Mother’s Day Proclamation” in which she pleaded for women to come together to abstain from the tragedies of war and to promote the general interests of peace.
Anna Jarvis came along a few decades later and was an advocate for a day to celebrate mothers. She began to send her mother’s favorite flower – carnations - to her local church and requested that people wear them in honor of their mothers. The idea gained popularity over the years and, in 1914, President Wilson signed it into national observance, declaring the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.
I acknowledge that Mother’s Day may not conjure up warm and fuzzy feelings for everyone. For some, it may be a dreaded holiday that stirs up feelings of sadness, guilt and inadequacy. Some of us have not been able to get married or bear children; some bear the burden of raising kids on our own without the support of a husband. Some of us have lost our mothers or children; some have felt lost and discouraged with the paths our children have chosen to take. We put mothers on a pedestal in the church and it can feel hard to measure up if you are not the typical LDS mom.
Along with that, women have tried to reconcile their roles in society for generations, whether it be in the home or workplace. Women struggle to achieve the perfect “work-life” balance and are constantly figuring out how to “have it all”.
If you pick up any newspaper or magazine, it’s hard to miss the current debate about a woman’s role in the world. With our culture’s compulsive need to categorize things, we’ve got such labels as: Stay-at-home mom, working mom, housewife, single mom, and homemaker. Then there’s a new crop of labels like: hipster homemaker, moms who “lean in” or “lean out”, a retro wife, a radical homemaker, “Femivore”, and of course the
ubiquitous “Tiger Mom”, or any of the anti-Tiger Mom derivatives.
It can be hard to listen to women in the news criticize the choices other women make. Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg argues that women these days are not pulling their load; they have an “ambition gap” and do not dream big enough. And last fall, one prominent LDS mother was criticized for “never having worked a day in her life” and was viewed as being “out of touch.”
My point is to illustrate how women hear conflicting opinions about their roles in society. Such conflicting opinions can induce confusion, guilt, stress, insecurity and judgment of others, and make it hard to be confident in the divine roles we have been chosen to fulfill. But as Paul in the New Testament states, “God is not the author of confusion, but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33).
And since Mother’s day was originally promoted as a “day of peace,” I would also like to propose a day of peace. Not a peace from wartime, but peace within ourselves. Peace with who we are as women and mothers. And peace with the choices we have made in those roles. And maybe, our children will give us a little peace today as well.
So today, I would like to share five thoughts that can help us find more peace as women. It is by no means an all-inclusive list, but they are tools we all have access to as members of the gospel.
Thought #1: As women in the gospel, we are all mothers – single or married, children or no children. We all have a duty to help nurture the rising generation. Sister Sheri Dew has said:
“While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” —and they did so before she ever bore a child. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women” (Are We Not all Mothers?).
Sister Dew goes on to say that there has never been a greater need for righteous women and mothers to teach children a sense of safety and security, where to find peace and truth, and about the power of the Savior. And I would add - great women are needed to be role models for our young women – to teach them virtue, modesty, and a sense of self- worth.
I personally appreciate all the women who have been role models to my kids. Leaders in Primary, Scouts, and Young Women, as well as relatives such as grandmothers and aunts, all have had a great influence in my children’s’ lives that I would not have been
It can be hard to listen to women in the news criticize the choices other women make. Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg argues that women these days are not pulling their load; they have an “ambition gap” and do not dream big enough. And last fall, one prominent LDS mother was criticized for “never having worked a day in her life” and was viewed as being “out of touch.”
My point is to illustrate how women hear conflicting opinions about their roles in society. Such conflicting opinions can induce confusion, guilt, stress, insecurity and judgment of others, and make it hard to be confident in the divine roles we have been chosen to fulfill. But as Paul in the New Testament states, “God is not the author of confusion, but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33).
And since Mother’s day was originally promoted as a “day of peace,” I would also like to propose a day of peace. Not a peace from wartime, but peace within ourselves. Peace with who we are as women and mothers. And peace with the choices we have made in those roles. And maybe, our children will give us a little peace today as well.
So today, I would like to share five thoughts that can help us find more peace as women. It is by no means an all-inclusive list, but they are tools we all have access to as members of the gospel.
Thought #1: As women in the gospel, we are all mothers – single or married, children or no children. We all have a duty to help nurture the rising generation. Sister Sheri Dew has said:
“While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” —and they did so before she ever bore a child. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women” (Are We Not all Mothers?).
Sister Dew goes on to say that there has never been a greater need for righteous women and mothers to teach children a sense of safety and security, where to find peace and truth, and about the power of the Savior. And I would add - great women are needed to be role models for our young women – to teach them virtue, modesty, and a sense of self- worth.
I personally appreciate all the women who have been role models to my kids. Leaders in Primary, Scouts, and Young Women, as well as relatives such as grandmothers and aunts, all have had a great influence in my children’s’ lives that I would not have been
able to do on my own.
Thought #2 is to simplify and do less. Do not try to do it all. In his April General Conference talk, Elder Scott spoke of living in a world with a frantic pace. Deep down, we each crave a place of peace and refuge where we can reenergize for future pressures. We can accomplish this by following Sister Beck’s counsel to do less. She states:
“Mothers who know permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less distraction and less activity that draws their children away from their home. [They are] willing to live on less and consume less in order to spend more time with their children. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all” (“Mothers Who Know”).
Sister Beck’s counsel brings me peace on those days when I feel like a slacker for not enrolling my kids in a handful of after school activities, and instead just letting them play outside for hours.
I also enjoyed Brother Bagley’s talk a few months ago when he talked about parents and kids these days being overscheduled and that sometimes we need to step back and say, “no thank you” when an opportunity comes up that takes us away from our homes. There are many good things that compete for my time in the evenings such as school meetings, church callings or social events. But if I find myself being away from bedtime routines more than once or twice a week, I decline the invitation. One of my favorite jobs as a mom is to read to my kids each night. It’s the one moment of peace I can have with my kids each day.
Thought #3: Avoid comparing ourselves to others and be comfortable in our skin. This includes not judging others, as we rarely know their unique circumstances.
Sister Bonnie Parkin posed these questions to women:
“Do we judge one another? Do we criticize each other for individual choices, thinking we know better, when in fact we rarely understand another’s unique circumstance or individual inspiration? Have we ever said, “She works outside the home”? Or, “Her son didn’t serve a mission.” Or, “She’s too old for a calling.” Or, “She can’t—she’s single.” Such judgments, and so many others like them, rob us of the pure love of Christ. “
She goes on to say that we cannot compare ourselves to other women: “We cannot allow ourselves to feel inadequate by focusing on who we aren’t instead of on who we are! We are all sisters in Relief Society. We simply cannot criticize, gossip, or judge and keep the pure love of Christ.” (“Choosing Charity, the Good Part”).
I recently asked my mother-in-law her thoughts on mother’s day and how she found peace while raising 8 kids. She told me that one of the hardest things was feeling
Thought #2 is to simplify and do less. Do not try to do it all. In his April General Conference talk, Elder Scott spoke of living in a world with a frantic pace. Deep down, we each crave a place of peace and refuge where we can reenergize for future pressures. We can accomplish this by following Sister Beck’s counsel to do less. She states:
“Mothers who know permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less distraction and less activity that draws their children away from their home. [They are] willing to live on less and consume less in order to spend more time with their children. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all” (“Mothers Who Know”).
Sister Beck’s counsel brings me peace on those days when I feel like a slacker for not enrolling my kids in a handful of after school activities, and instead just letting them play outside for hours.
I also enjoyed Brother Bagley’s talk a few months ago when he talked about parents and kids these days being overscheduled and that sometimes we need to step back and say, “no thank you” when an opportunity comes up that takes us away from our homes. There are many good things that compete for my time in the evenings such as school meetings, church callings or social events. But if I find myself being away from bedtime routines more than once or twice a week, I decline the invitation. One of my favorite jobs as a mom is to read to my kids each night. It’s the one moment of peace I can have with my kids each day.
Thought #3: Avoid comparing ourselves to others and be comfortable in our skin. This includes not judging others, as we rarely know their unique circumstances.
Sister Bonnie Parkin posed these questions to women:
“Do we judge one another? Do we criticize each other for individual choices, thinking we know better, when in fact we rarely understand another’s unique circumstance or individual inspiration? Have we ever said, “She works outside the home”? Or, “Her son didn’t serve a mission.” Or, “She’s too old for a calling.” Or, “She can’t—she’s single.” Such judgments, and so many others like them, rob us of the pure love of Christ. “
She goes on to say that we cannot compare ourselves to other women: “We cannot allow ourselves to feel inadequate by focusing on who we aren’t instead of on who we are! We are all sisters in Relief Society. We simply cannot criticize, gossip, or judge and keep the pure love of Christ.” (“Choosing Charity, the Good Part”).
I recently asked my mother-in-law her thoughts on mother’s day and how she found peace while raising 8 kids. She told me that one of the hardest things was feeling
competition with other mothers whose children she perceived to be high achievers or
performers.
She said focusing on her children’s free agency gave her comfort. She tried to remember that her kids were millions of years old and her job was to provide a place where they could feel comfortable and become the best they could be and not try to make them into something they were not, even though it might impress other people with their "talents". She knew her kids were spectacular, but it wasn't the kind of spectacular other people might see. (joke with Dave quitting piano lessons)
This is something that I have been trying to balance on a regular basis: Letting my kids exercise their free agency to develop their own unique talents, while trying not to pressure them too much into doing what I think they should do. But, I do acknowledge that each one of my children has special gifts and talents that cannot be compared to anyone else, and I am grateful for their unique personalities. And as a side note, for an instant self- esteem boost, I suggest logging out of Facebook and viewing photos of other people’s kids, and tuning into an episode of “The Super Nanny”, where it’s hard not to feel good about yourself.
It is a great blessing to be happy with the choices we’ve made and to be comfortable in our skin as women. It would be hard to make an impact on our children if were always second guessing ourselves and acting dissatisfied with our roles. We are blessed to have the gospel and the eternal perspective it provides. Statements by Harold B. Lee such as “the most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own homes” help give us the confidence we need to be strong mothers.
Thought #4 is to seek personal inspiration for our individual circumstances. Sister Julie Beck has said that women have to make a lot of choices in their lives about what they should do. She says:
“With personal revelation, [women] can prioritize correctly and navigate life confidently. The ability to...receive personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life.”
“Personal revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help. Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times.” (“And upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit” 2010 conference).
I have definitely received personal revelation in my job as a mother. Not only has the spirit confirmed to me many of the choices I have made in my life, but I also seek inspiration regularly to help me know how to be a better mother. On one occasion, I was feeling pretty inadequate as a mother to one child in particular. Fast Sunday was coming up, so I planned to fast for that child in hopes of receiving some divine guidance. After that
She said focusing on her children’s free agency gave her comfort. She tried to remember that her kids were millions of years old and her job was to provide a place where they could feel comfortable and become the best they could be and not try to make them into something they were not, even though it might impress other people with their "talents". She knew her kids were spectacular, but it wasn't the kind of spectacular other people might see. (joke with Dave quitting piano lessons)
This is something that I have been trying to balance on a regular basis: Letting my kids exercise their free agency to develop their own unique talents, while trying not to pressure them too much into doing what I think they should do. But, I do acknowledge that each one of my children has special gifts and talents that cannot be compared to anyone else, and I am grateful for their unique personalities. And as a side note, for an instant self- esteem boost, I suggest logging out of Facebook and viewing photos of other people’s kids, and tuning into an episode of “The Super Nanny”, where it’s hard not to feel good about yourself.
It is a great blessing to be happy with the choices we’ve made and to be comfortable in our skin as women. It would be hard to make an impact on our children if were always second guessing ourselves and acting dissatisfied with our roles. We are blessed to have the gospel and the eternal perspective it provides. Statements by Harold B. Lee such as “the most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own homes” help give us the confidence we need to be strong mothers.
Thought #4 is to seek personal inspiration for our individual circumstances. Sister Julie Beck has said that women have to make a lot of choices in their lives about what they should do. She says:
“With personal revelation, [women] can prioritize correctly and navigate life confidently. The ability to...receive personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life.”
“Personal revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help. Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times.” (“And upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit” 2010 conference).
I have definitely received personal revelation in my job as a mother. Not only has the spirit confirmed to me many of the choices I have made in my life, but I also seek inspiration regularly to help me know how to be a better mother. On one occasion, I was feeling pretty inadequate as a mother to one child in particular. Fast Sunday was coming up, so I planned to fast for that child in hopes of receiving some divine guidance. After that
Sunday, a few really hard things happened. But those hard things opened the door for
some conversations that needed to take place in order for me to grow as a mother. After
several weeks went by, I realized that the events that came about after I fasted were a
direct answer to my plea for help. I have a testimony that Heavenly Father hears our
prayers and will reveal to us what we need to do in our individual circumstances.
The fifth and final thought I have to help us to bring peace to our roles as women is simple: The Savior will compensate for our shortcomings through the power of the atonement. Being a woman and mother can be a lot of pressure if we think we are not doing a good enough job, or if we are alone in our duties. If we are deprived of something we want very much, the Savior has promised to compensate what we lack with other blessings, if we are righteous and we have done all we can do. It is the essence of the atonement.
Elder Faust has said:
“Some of you sisters may feel inadequate because you can’t seem to do all you want to do. Motherhood and parenting are most challenging roles...In addition, many of you have to work as well as care for your family. My heart goes out to the widows and the single-parent sisters who bear so much of the responsibility of parenting. In general, you noble sisters are doing a much better job of holding it all together and making it work than you realize. May I suggest that you take your challenges one day at a time. Do the best you can. Look at everything through the lens of eternity. If you will do this, life will take on a different perspective” (“Instruments in the Hands of God”).
And Elder Quentin Cook in his April conference address said:
“The Savior is the true source of peace. Even with the trials of life, because of the Savior’s Atonement and His grace, righteous living will be rewarded with personal peace.” (“Personal Peace: The Reward of Righteousness”). It is comforting to know that after we have done all that we can do as women and mothers, the Savior will compensate where we do not feel whole. He will make us complete.
I hope I have shown some ways we can find peace with who we are as women and mothers. As women, we have much to celebrate. Sister Marjorie Hinckley once said to women: “We are all in this together. We need each other... It is a sociological fact that women need women...We need to lock arms and help build the kingdom so that it will roll forth and fill the whole world.” (Faust, “Instruments in the Hands of God”)
There are so many great women in this ward and I admire you greatly. Thank you for being a positive part of my life. I hope you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day and feel loved and appreciated. It is my hope that we can be at peace with who we are and the choices we have made. I testify that being a woman and mother is a divine and sacred role and Heavenly Father will help us and bless us in this duty. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
The fifth and final thought I have to help us to bring peace to our roles as women is simple: The Savior will compensate for our shortcomings through the power of the atonement. Being a woman and mother can be a lot of pressure if we think we are not doing a good enough job, or if we are alone in our duties. If we are deprived of something we want very much, the Savior has promised to compensate what we lack with other blessings, if we are righteous and we have done all we can do. It is the essence of the atonement.
Elder Faust has said:
“Some of you sisters may feel inadequate because you can’t seem to do all you want to do. Motherhood and parenting are most challenging roles...In addition, many of you have to work as well as care for your family. My heart goes out to the widows and the single-parent sisters who bear so much of the responsibility of parenting. In general, you noble sisters are doing a much better job of holding it all together and making it work than you realize. May I suggest that you take your challenges one day at a time. Do the best you can. Look at everything through the lens of eternity. If you will do this, life will take on a different perspective” (“Instruments in the Hands of God”).
And Elder Quentin Cook in his April conference address said:
“The Savior is the true source of peace. Even with the trials of life, because of the Savior’s Atonement and His grace, righteous living will be rewarded with personal peace.” (“Personal Peace: The Reward of Righteousness”). It is comforting to know that after we have done all that we can do as women and mothers, the Savior will compensate where we do not feel whole. He will make us complete.
I hope I have shown some ways we can find peace with who we are as women and mothers. As women, we have much to celebrate. Sister Marjorie Hinckley once said to women: “We are all in this together. We need each other... It is a sociological fact that women need women...We need to lock arms and help build the kingdom so that it will roll forth and fill the whole world.” (Faust, “Instruments in the Hands of God”)
There are so many great women in this ward and I admire you greatly. Thank you for being a positive part of my life. I hope you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day and feel loved and appreciated. It is my hope that we can be at peace with who we are and the choices we have made. I testify that being a woman and mother is a divine and sacred role and Heavenly Father will help us and bless us in this duty. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
